TODOH #4: Christine (1983)

“It seems like nobody likes my car these days.”

1983 was a huge year for movies. Some of the most popular films of all time were released that year. Return of the Jedi, Octopussy, Trading Places, and National Lampoon’s Vacation are just a few of the big films released that year. It was also a great year for cult classic horror films such as Sleepaway Camp, Mortuary, Pieces, and Curtains. Stephen King had three films based upon his books released as well, those films being Cujo, The Dead Zone, and today’s #4 film, Christine. I’ve reviewed this film before, and it’s also one of my favorite horror films of all time.

The movie stars Keith Gordon as a hapless nerd who buys Christine, a 1958 Plymouth Fury, that becomes possessive of whoever owns her. After restoring Christine, Arnie (Gordon) becomes more and more confident about himself, going so far as to ask out the beautiful new girl in school, Leigh (Alexandra Paul). Christine becomes jealous of Arnie’s new relationship and people start ending up dead. Arnie’s best friend, Dennis (John Stockwell), tries to intervene in Arnie’s bizarre relationship with Christine, and ends up hospitalized as a result. Things really get serious when a detective (Harry Dean Stanton starts sniffing around Arnie.

The premise is ridiculous, but somehow director John Carpenter, who also co-scored the film, manages to make an obsessive killer car believable and fun to watch on the screen. The entire cast give surprisingly strong performances and the special effects are absolutely outstanding.

Watch Christine if you haven’t seen it yet. If you have, you know just how amazing this film is! Thanks for checking out today’s post. See you tomorrow!

TODOH #3: Willow Creek (2013)

“Are you a believer?”

I’m not a fan of found footage films. I’ll acknowledge the fact that The Blair Witch Project utilized the internet to perfection when it comes to marketing, but the final film was dull, boring, and not that good. As a co-host of the Filmsquatch Podcast, I’ve had to watch many, many found footage films as that is one of the easiest and budget-friendly ways to make an independent film. As a fan of Bigfoot, 2013’s Willow Creek had been on my radar long before I started the podcast with my buddy, Patrick Bennett, and I had already viewed it a few times. Yes, the fact that it was a Bigfoot film enticed me, but what really hooked me in, despite it being a found footage movie, was the fact that it was written and directed by comedian and actor Bobcat Goldthwait.

Goldthwait did an amazing job with this film. He utilized sounds and practical effects to scare the crap out of tons of people with this movie. It didn’t hurt that the film’s two stars, Alexie Gilmore and Bryce Johnson, ran with the outline of the story that Goldthwait gave them and improvised most of the film with ease. They were very believable as a couple going out to investigate the area where the infamous Patterson-Gimlin film was shot in the 1960s. The highlight of the film was a nearly eighteen minute one shot wherein Gilmore and Johnson react to sounds and movements outside of their tent. It was a very tense scene and one of my favorite scenes in all of cryptid cinema.

If and when you do watch this film (if you haven’t watched it already), I highly recommend watching it with commentary on from Goldthwait, Gilmore, and Johnson. The trio do a great job of recalling different things that went on during the production. One of my favorite moments is when, during one very tense moment in the film, we learn about how actress Laura Montagna earned the nickname “Cinnamon Tits,” essentially breaking the tension of the scene. I do recommend watching the film without commentary first, and then diving back into it with the commentary.

If you’re looking for a real creeper that forces you to see things with your mind, give Willow Creek a shot. It’s got plenty of terror, a good dose of humor, and a couple of surprising scenes that will definitely catch you off guard.

Thanks for checking out my post!

TODOH #2: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

“Because you have bewitched me.”

I have a strange relationship with 1999’s Sleepy Hollow. The film is obviously a horror movie, but much like The Nightmare Before Christmas, I find myself watching it multiple times between Halloween and Christmas. I’ve blogged about this before, but there is something about this film that feels like Christmas to me. Perhaps it’s the snow in the closing credits or perhaps it’s just Tim Burton’s style, but this horror film fits comfortably in the holiday season for me.

The film stars Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Richard Griffiths, Christopher Lee, Miranda Richardson, Michael Gambon, and so many more wonderful actors. It’s Tim Burton’s take on the classic Washington Irving short story, expanded to throw in manipulation, misdirection, greed, and all sorts of other things. It has amazing effects and a brilliant score by Danny Elfman. It’s a nearly perfect film and it’s easily one of my top five favorite horror films of all time.

Do you feel the same way about Sleepy Hollow? Is it one of your favorites that you can watch over and over again, especially during the holiday season? Let me know in the comments!

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TODOH Favorites #1: Jurassic Park (1993)

“Hold on to your butts.”

It’s only logical that I kick off Thirty-One Days O’Horror Favorites with a film that rides the line between science fiction and horror, Jurassic Park (1993). There have been many arguments on the web, at conventions, and in backroom parlors (okay, I might be fibbing there) about whether or not Jurassic Park qualifies as a horror film. In my opinion, it definitely is. My reasoning is simple: It’s a science fiction creature feature just like Alien, Frankenstein, and a ton of other monster movies. It has suspense, terror, and a decent body count as well. If you didn’t feel the least bit of tension while watching this film, you’re dead inside.

The film stars the Sam Neill, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum. It co-stars Samuel L. Jackson, BD Wong, Bob Peck, Richard Attenborough, Martin Ferrero, Joseph Mazzello, Ariana Richards, and Wayne Knight. It featured an amazing blend of practical and (at the time) pioneering CGI effects. It spawned an entire franchise of sequels, animated shows, toys, and more, and it all began with the book of the same name by Michael Crichton.

Jurassic Park is my favorite film of all time. I’ve blogged about it multiple times and reviewed a number of the toys based on the films. It made me fall in love with Laura Dern. It reignited my interest in dinosaurs and has basically been a big part of my life ever since I first saw this movie way back in the summer of ’93 at the original movie theater at Prien Lake Mall. That theater is long gone, but my memories of watching the movie there will remain with me until I die.

Thanks for checking out Day #1 of Thirty-One Days O’Horror Favorites. There’s a whole month of my faves left to go!

Where The Scary Things Are (2022)

The monsters aren’t under your bed

2022’s Where The Scary Things Are is terrible. There’s really not much more to say about the film, but since I review movies on this blog, I’ll give it the ol’ college try. The film was written and directed by B. Harrison Smith, who gave us a host of other classic films like Camp Dread, All I Want For Christmas, and The Fields. I’m not familiar with any of these films myself, but if they are anything like Where The Scary Things Are, I’m not going to waste my time with them. Seriously, the movie was bad, and I’m usually a pretty nice guy when it comes to movie reviews, but I cannot recommend this movie at all.

This review contains spoilers…..

The film is about a group of very unlikable teens and one really annoying preteen that, for some weird reason, is always with them. He carries around a camera and attempts to make viral videos for his YouTube series about battling bums. It’s ridiculous. The group is comprised of boys with nicknames like “Snack” and “Scribble” and one very aggressive, very mean girl named Ayla. She deals with her mother’s boyfriend who makes creepy advances on her and she’s apparently really mad at the world. She’s easily the worst character in the bunch and, while I hate to say this about any young actor, her acting skills are wretched. The kids stumble upon a monster at a scare park that is closed for the season. The older kids are then assigned a class project to create their own urban legend and use the internet to spread it. The kids decide to video the monster eating things and eventually eating people in order to gain internet notoriety. Victims are selected because they are bums or Ayla just doesn’t like them. As the urban legend spreads, the teacher demands that the kids stop their project. They refuse and, spoiler alert, more people die until the creature breaks free and feasts on these evil little turds.

The only redeeming thing about this film is the creature. It is made with practical effects and looks pretty good. Everything else, from acting to directing and writing to character development, is atrocious. I wanted to turn this cinematic dung off but something inside of me kept saying that it would get better. It doesn’t.

Don’t watch this movie.

Thanks for reading my post.

Mattel The Hammond Collection: Dr. Ian Malcolm (2022)

“Must go faster….”

It’s been awhile since I posted an action figure review, so please forgive me if this particular one is a few years old. As my longtime readers know, I was very fond of Mattel’s Amber Collection featuring six inch versions of some of the best characters from the Jurassic Park and Jurassic World films. When that line was phased out, it was replaced by a 3.75″ series of figures dubbed The Hammond Collection. The figures looked a lot like their six inch counterparts, some even having the same types of accessories, but details suffered quite a bit in these scaled-down figures. That said, the 2022 release of Dr. Ian Malcolm is a pretty nice figure.

I actually found this figure early last year at one of my local Ollie’s Bargain Outlet. The box was a tad damaged, but that’s not a big deal for a guy like me when it comes to a bargain. I scooped up the figure, happy to finally have the smaller scale version of Dr. Malcolm. The figure has a reasonable likeness to Jeff Goldblum, but the glasses, which aren’t removable, don’t look that great. The clothing on the figure, which includes a removable jacket, looks amazing. The details on the boots are really impressive.

The figure features sixteen points of articulation, allowing for some pretty cool poses. It comes with three accessories, two arms with rolled up shirt sleeves and the iconic flare that Dr. Malcolm uses to erroneously distract the T-Rex. It should be noted that Dr. Malcolm can only hold the flare in his jacketed hands.

The figure is a nice addition to my Jurassic Park collection. I’m only lacking the original 3.75″ Hammond Collection Dr. Alan Grant as far as figures that I want is concerned. I have the six inch version of that figure, but would love to complete my collection of the 3.75″ figures. I’ve included a few more shots of the Dr. Ian Malcolm figure below. Give them a look and decide for yourself whether or not you want to pick up this figure. He’s available for some fairly reasonable prices all over the web.

Thanks for checking out my review!

Classic Cinema: I Married A Witch (1942)

“Goodbye, Jennifer, be a bad girl.”

Wallace Wooley, running for governor and about to get married to his biggest campaign donor’s daughter, finds himself at the mercy of a pair of witches that have recently been freed from their earthly prison and are intent on making his life miserable in 1942’s hilarious I Married A Witch. The film stars Fredric March as Wallace Wooley, Veronica Lake as Jennifer, Cecil Kellaway as Daniel, Susan Hayward as Estelle Masterson, and Robert Warwick as J.B. Masterson. The movie is based upon an incomplete novel by Thorne Smith and was very popular at the time of its release. It is part of a number of “Best Of” lists including the American Film Institute’s 2000 list of 500 movies nominated for Top 100 Funniest American Movies and the Criterion Collection. The film was also partly an inspiration for the classic TV series Bewitched.

The movie opens in colonial Salem, where Wallace Wooley’s ancestor, Jonathan (also played by March) condemns Daniel and Jennifer to be burned at the stake for witchcraft. Before they are burned, Jennifer curses all Wooley men, stating that they will all make bad choices in romance and marry the wrong woman. Her and her father’s ashes are buried beneath a tree that will imprison them for eternity. We then see more of Wooley’s ancestors (all played by March), marry one wrong woman after another, ultimately ending up in the 1940s where Wallace is about to marry Estelle Masterson, the daughter of J.B. Masterson, in a political power move by Masterson. Wallace doesn’t really love Estelle and she doesn’t care for him, either. Daniel and Jennifer are freed from their arboreal prison when lightning strikes the tree, and they immediately set out for revenge against any Wooley descendants that they can find. Jennifer decides to seduce Wallace, but, being a man of honor, even though he and Estelle do not love each other, he resists every attempt she makes. She ultimately resorts to using a love potion to win him over, but drinks the potion herself whenever Wallace tries to revive her when she is knocked out by a falling painting of Wallace’s ancestor. She falls hard for Wallace and he ultimately falls for her. When she realizes that her love for him is real, her father becomes angry and resorts to extreme measures, including faking his own murder, to try and destroy Wallace and his career. The result is a lighthearted romantic comedy that mixes witchcraft with whimsy.

This isn’t the type of film that I normally review, but I really did enjoy I Married A Witch. All of the cast did a great job and the special effects were perfect for the time period. This is a funny movie with some surprisingly adult moments that young audiences won’t pick up on, and plenty of humor for the entire family. Give it a shot. Oh, and for some real fun, check out the film’s IMDb trivia section for some crazy antics that took place behind the scenes.

Thanks for checking out my review!

Classic Cinema: One Week (1920)

“Good luck. You’ll Need It!”

Newlyweds (Buster Keaton and Sybil Seely) are gifted Lot 99, a Build-It-Yourself house, and a lot of chaos in 1920’s hilarious One Week. The silent short was Buster Keaton’s first independently released film and has a number of notable stunts and one rather racy scene that made censors of the day very nervous. The short also starred Joe Roberts in a small role as a piano delivery man and an unknown actor who portrays Seely’s rejected love interest who swaps the numbers on the house building kit, causing the chaotic moments in the film.

In the film, Keaton attempts to build his home following a series of numbered boxes. The jilted lover of Seely paints over the numbers of some of the boxes and Keaton builds the house out of order. This causes the house to be constructed in a haphazard fashion, with doors on the second floor that open to the outside, a leaky roof, and a slanted awning over the front porch. While hosting a house warming, a storm strikes and literally spins the house, tossing Keaton, Seely, and all of their guests out of the home. The couple then learn that they have constructed their home on Lot 66, not Lot 99, and have to move their home across the railroad tracks. This leads to an altercation with a train and a hilarious attempt at towing the house down the street.

The film is notable due to the fact that it features Buster Keaton’s first filmed “wall falling” stunt where one side of the home falls on top of him, only to have him standing in a doorway and the wall falling safely around him. The first known use of this stunt was in 1919’s Back Stage, where a wall falls down on Fatty Arbuckle in a similar fashion. Keaton was in that film as well. Keaton would use the gag two more times, in 1922’s The Blacksmith and most notably in 1928’s Steamboat Bill, Jr. The film is also the first movie to shoot a scene utilizing a camera revolving 360 degrees per IMDb. All of the stunts in the film used full sized props, including the house.

Aside from the falling wall, spinning house, and numerous other gags in the film, the movie garnered a lot of attention for a somewhat racy scene in which Seely is taking a bath and drops the soap. Although she was covered in the scene (you can actually see the fabric protecting her “lady parts”), the fact that she is supposed to be nude in the tub caught the attention of the censors. Keaton made the “risque” scene intentionally funny, with Seely giving a knowing look to the audience, breaking the fourth wall, and then having a hand appear over the camera lens while Seely retrieves the soap. While it seems tame, and even a bit cute, today, it was very risque for its time.

Of all of Keaton’s legendary films, One Week is one of the best. It’s an early example of a true comedic master’s work and showcases the stunt work of not only Keaton, but of Seely as well. I highly recommend this short and hope that you give it a look.

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Wolvesbayne (2009)

“What’d you do to me?!?!?!?”

It might be a TV movie released on the SyFy Channel, but 2009’s Wolvesbayne is actually a pretty decent flick. I recently watched it on Amazon Prime and I really enjoyed it. Sure, the CGI effects are a little bit hokey and the dialogue is rough at times, but there’s just something about this film that captivated me. I’m sure that a lot of people will compare it to Underworld, but Wolvesbayne stands on its on as a solid little horror/action film.

In the film, Russell Bayne (Jeremy London), a selfish sleazeball that’s gobbling up property in New Orleans, gets thrust into the thick of a battle between humans, vampires, and werewolves when he is turned into a werewolf. A rogue group of vampires headed up by Von Griem (Mark Dacascos) are collecting amulets that, when united, will bring their powerful goddess, Lilith (Yancy Butler), back from her eternal prison. Attempting to stop them are a collective of vampire elders that want to prevent her return. There’s also a group of highly trained human assassins led by Jacob Van Helsing (Rhett Giles) that are trying to stop Von Griem, and they’ve made an uneasy alliance with the vampire elders and Bayne, who gets a crash course in being a werewolf by Alex Layton (Christy Carlson Romano), a passive werewolf who agrees to join the fight as well. Will the humans, good vampires, and werewolves stop Von Griem or will the fur fly when Lilith unleashes her power on her enemies? Check out Wolvesbayne for yourself and see who wins the war!

Seriously, if this film had a slightly better budget for the CGI effects, a tad bit better direction, and perhaps some stronger dialogue, it would have been an excellent film. It’s not bad as is, thanks primarily to the performances of London, Romano, and Giles, and the decent practical effects and makeup. Dacascos and Butler are wasted a bit. Dacascos does a lot of glaring and not much else in the film, save for one epic battle where he gets to show off his martial arts skills. Butler has very limited screen time and most of it is spent threatening and/or killing people. The supporting cast is pretty good and the music is very good.

If you want to watch a decent film full of vampires, a couple of werewolves, and Kim Possible, Wolvesbayne is the film that you need to watch. It’s not the best film out there, but it is a very solid made-for-TV film.

Thanks for checking out my review.

The Long Walk (2025)

“May God reward your bravery.”

2025’s The Long Walk, based upon the 1979 Stephen King novel of the same name, isn’t a bad film. It isn’t that good, either. Its premise is somewhat convoluted. A group of fifty boys, one from each state, is selected to participate in a walk that starts somewhere near the Canadian border and continues until only one boy remains. If a boy fails to keep the recommended pace, he is given a warning. On the third time that he fails, he gets his ticket…..he gets killed. If he goes off of the path for too long, he gets killed. If he shows any type of defiance, he is severely warned and then killed if he doesn’t change his tune. The final boy wins a large cash prize and is granted one wish. This is meant to inspire the people in the United States which is currently in a severe depression following another civil war. Sounds sort of silly, right? Well, it is, at least to me.

The crazy thing is that the movie isn’t that bad thanks to the simply amazing performances of Cooper Hoffman and David Jonsson. They play the two primary protagonists in the film, Ray and Pete, respectively. They manage to make a paper-thin plot that is spread out over one hundred plus grueling minutes somewhat interesting. There’s also some great supporting work by Tut Nyot, Garrett Wareing, Charlie Plummer, and Ben Wang. The only real weak performance in the film is that of Mark Hamill, initially unrecognizable as the Major, the grouchy antagonist of the film. I just don’t buy Hamill’s “tough guy” persona in the film. He was miscast in my opinion.

The film is obviously very bleak and depressing, but it misses the heart of other King adaptations like Stand By Me and the sheer agony of movies like The Mist. Sure, there’s the token foul mouths of youngsters that you come to expect in works based upon King’s stories and quite a bit of violence as well, but something is missing, and that something is a solid plot. Aside from some excellent (at times) cinematography and the great performances of the main cast, there’s not a lot to like about this film. Sometimes I believe that recent adaptations of King’s work have been given a pass based upon King’s longevity and the popularity of his books and many of the film adaptations of his work. Maybe that’s just me.

Is The Long Walk worth a look? Yes, especially to see the performance of Jonsson. Otherwise, you aren’t really missing anything with this King adaptation.

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