TODOH #6: Jaws (1975)

“Tell them I’m going fishing.”

Today’s Thirty-One Days O’Horror entry is not only one of my favorite movies, it’s the film that triggered a worldwide fear of sharks and the ocean. It gave us the legendary quote, “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” We all felt the pain of Mrs. Kintner when she confronted Brody about the death of her son. It was the first bonafide summer blockbuster film. It has a theme song that sends chills down everybody’s spine. It’s…..dunh…..dunh…..dunh……dunh……Jaws!

The 1975 film, based upon the Peter Benchley book of the same name, has a very simple premise: A massive great white shark is terrorizing the locals on Amity Island during Fourth of July festivities and the mayor doesn’t want to close down the beach because tourist money is crucial to the town. The local police chief, Martin Brody (Roy Scheider), teams up with a salty seadog named Quint (Robert Shaw) and an oceanographer named Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) to stop the shark themselves and everybody is afraid to go into the water.

The film was one of director Steven Spielberg’s earliest efforts and established him as a miracle worker based upon the countless production horror stories with the mechanical shark that constantly failed and all of the issues with shooting a film in the ocean. Despite the difficulties of making the film, Jaws proved to be a massive success. John Williams’ score won an Academy Award even though Spielberg laughed at Williams when he first presented the now legendary theme to the director. The cast and crew did an amazing job.

From it’s iconic opening skinny-dip scene to its award-winning score, everything about Jaws is perfect. If you’ve never seen it, this is your notice to go watch it now! You’ll never look at the water the same way.

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TODOH #5: M3GAN (2022)

“I won’t let anything harm you. Ever again.”

One of the most recent horror films to make it into my list of Thirty-One Favorites is 2022’s AI/robotics terror tale, M3GAN. In the film, a young lady, Cady, loses her parents in an accident and is taken in by her aunt, Gemma, who happens to be robotics whiz. Unable to connect with her niece, Gemma introduces her to M3GAN, an artificially intelligent companion that she has developed in the hopes that her niece will finally open up and connect with her. Impressed by Cady’s connection with M3GAN, Gemma’s company begins planning to mass produce M3GAN. The only problem is that M3GAN really, really wants to protect Cady from any and all threats, including people. The result is dark comedy/horror film featuring a fast-talking and sassy robot killing anybody in her way.

The film was a surprise hit when it was released. It spawned a sequel that took M3GAN in a completely different (and less popular) direction, and a spinoff called SOULM8TE. Neither film has garnered the attention or accolades of the original M3GAN film. The original movie is funny, a bit creepy, and chock full of “too-much-technology” warnings. The cast features Allison Williams as Gemma, Violet McGraw as Cady, Ronny Chieng as Gemma’s demanding boss, and Amie Donald (body) and Jenna Davis (voice) as M3GAN. Supporting roles feature Brian Jordan Alvarez and Jen Van Epps, who portray co-workers of Gemma’s who provide plenty of funny moments in the film.

From her snappy dialogue to her iconic dance moves, M3GAN hits all of the right notes. It’s a fun movie that captivated me and millions of other people. Be sure to check it out if you haven’t seen it yet.

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TODOH #4: Christine (1983)

“It seems like nobody likes my car these days.”

1983 was a huge year for movies. Some of the most popular films of all time were released that year. Return of the Jedi, Octopussy, Trading Places, and National Lampoon’s Vacation are just a few of the big films released that year. It was also a great year for cult classic horror films such as Sleepaway Camp, Mortuary, Pieces, and Curtains. Stephen King had three films based upon his books released as well, those films being Cujo, The Dead Zone, and today’s #4 film, Christine. I’ve reviewed this film before, and it’s also one of my favorite horror films of all time.

The movie stars Keith Gordon as a hapless nerd who buys Christine, a 1958 Plymouth Fury, that becomes possessive of whoever owns her. After restoring Christine, Arnie (Gordon) becomes more and more confident about himself, going so far as to ask out the beautiful new girl in school, Leigh (Alexandra Paul). Christine becomes jealous of Arnie’s new relationship and people start ending up dead. Arnie’s best friend, Dennis (John Stockwell), tries to intervene in Arnie’s bizarre relationship with Christine, and ends up hospitalized as a result. Things really get serious when a detective (Harry Dean Stanton starts sniffing around Arnie.

The premise is ridiculous, but somehow director John Carpenter, who also co-scored the film, manages to make an obsessive killer car believable and fun to watch on the screen. The entire cast give surprisingly strong performances and the special effects are absolutely outstanding.

Watch Christine if you haven’t seen it yet. If you have, you know just how amazing this film is! Thanks for checking out today’s post. See you tomorrow!

TODOH #3: Willow Creek (2013)

“Are you a believer?”

I’m not a fan of found footage films. I’ll acknowledge the fact that The Blair Witch Project utilized the internet to perfection when it comes to marketing, but the final film was dull, boring, and not that good. As a co-host of the Filmsquatch Podcast, I’ve had to watch many, many found footage films as that is one of the easiest and budget-friendly ways to make an independent film. As a fan of Bigfoot, 2013’s Willow Creek had been on my radar long before I started the podcast with my buddy, Patrick Bennett, and I had already viewed it a few times. Yes, the fact that it was a Bigfoot film enticed me, but what really hooked me in, despite it being a found footage movie, was the fact that it was written and directed by comedian and actor Bobcat Goldthwait.

Goldthwait did an amazing job with this film. He utilized sounds and practical effects to scare the crap out of tons of people with this movie. It didn’t hurt that the film’s two stars, Alexie Gilmore and Bryce Johnson, ran with the outline of the story that Goldthwait gave them and improvised most of the film with ease. They were very believable as a couple going out to investigate the area where the infamous Patterson-Gimlin film was shot in the 1960s. The highlight of the film was a nearly eighteen minute one shot wherein Gilmore and Johnson react to sounds and movements outside of their tent. It was a very tense scene and one of my favorite scenes in all of cryptid cinema.

If and when you do watch this film (if you haven’t watched it already), I highly recommend watching it with commentary on from Goldthwait, Gilmore, and Johnson. The trio do a great job of recalling different things that went on during the production. One of my favorite moments is when, during one very tense moment in the film, we learn about how actress Laura Montagna earned the nickname “Cinnamon Tits,” essentially breaking the tension of the scene. I do recommend watching the film without commentary first, and then diving back into it with the commentary.

If you’re looking for a real creeper that forces you to see things with your mind, give Willow Creek a shot. It’s got plenty of terror, a good dose of humor, and a couple of surprising scenes that will definitely catch you off guard.

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TODOH #2: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

“Because you have bewitched me.”

I have a strange relationship with 1999’s Sleepy Hollow. The film is obviously a horror movie, but much like The Nightmare Before Christmas, I find myself watching it multiple times between Halloween and Christmas. I’ve blogged about this before, but there is something about this film that feels like Christmas to me. Perhaps it’s the snow in the closing credits or perhaps it’s just Tim Burton’s style, but this horror film fits comfortably in the holiday season for me.

The film stars Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Richard Griffiths, Christopher Lee, Miranda Richardson, Michael Gambon, and so many more wonderful actors. It’s Tim Burton’s take on the classic Washington Irving short story, expanded to throw in manipulation, misdirection, greed, and all sorts of other things. It has amazing effects and a brilliant score by Danny Elfman. It’s a nearly perfect film and it’s easily one of my top five favorite horror films of all time.

Do you feel the same way about Sleepy Hollow? Is it one of your favorites that you can watch over and over again, especially during the holiday season? Let me know in the comments!

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TODOH Favorites #1: Jurassic Park (1993)

“Hold on to your butts.”

It’s only logical that I kick off Thirty-One Days O’Horror Favorites with a film that rides the line between science fiction and horror, Jurassic Park (1993). There have been many arguments on the web, at conventions, and in backroom parlors (okay, I might be fibbing there) about whether or not Jurassic Park qualifies as a horror film. In my opinion, it definitely is. My reasoning is simple: It’s a science fiction creature feature just like Alien, Frankenstein, and a ton of other monster movies. It has suspense, terror, and a decent body count as well. If you didn’t feel the least bit of tension while watching this film, you’re dead inside.

The film stars the Sam Neill, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum. It co-stars Samuel L. Jackson, BD Wong, Bob Peck, Richard Attenborough, Martin Ferrero, Joseph Mazzello, Ariana Richards, and Wayne Knight. It featured an amazing blend of practical and (at the time) pioneering CGI effects. It spawned an entire franchise of sequels, animated shows, toys, and more, and it all began with the book of the same name by Michael Crichton.

Jurassic Park is my favorite film of all time. I’ve blogged about it multiple times and reviewed a number of the toys based on the films. It made me fall in love with Laura Dern. It reignited my interest in dinosaurs and has basically been a big part of my life ever since I first saw this movie way back in the summer of ’93 at the original movie theater at Prien Lake Mall. That theater is long gone, but my memories of watching the movie there will remain with me until I die.

Thanks for checking out Day #1 of Thirty-One Days O’Horror Favorites. There’s a whole month of my faves left to go!

Where The Scary Things Are (2022)

The monsters aren’t under your bed

2022’s Where The Scary Things Are is terrible. There’s really not much more to say about the film, but since I review movies on this blog, I’ll give it the ol’ college try. The film was written and directed by B. Harrison Smith, who gave us a host of other classic films like Camp Dread, All I Want For Christmas, and The Fields. I’m not familiar with any of these films myself, but if they are anything like Where The Scary Things Are, I’m not going to waste my time with them. Seriously, the movie was bad, and I’m usually a pretty nice guy when it comes to movie reviews, but I cannot recommend this movie at all.

This review contains spoilers…..

The film is about a group of very unlikable teens and one really annoying preteen that, for some weird reason, is always with them. He carries around a camera and attempts to make viral videos for his YouTube series about battling bums. It’s ridiculous. The group is comprised of boys with nicknames like “Snack” and “Scribble” and one very aggressive, very mean girl named Ayla. She deals with her mother’s boyfriend who makes creepy advances on her and she’s apparently really mad at the world. She’s easily the worst character in the bunch and, while I hate to say this about any young actor, her acting skills are wretched. The kids stumble upon a monster at a scare park that is closed for the season. The older kids are then assigned a class project to create their own urban legend and use the internet to spread it. The kids decide to video the monster eating things and eventually eating people in order to gain internet notoriety. Victims are selected because they are bums or Ayla just doesn’t like them. As the urban legend spreads, the teacher demands that the kids stop their project. They refuse and, spoiler alert, more people die until the creature breaks free and feasts on these evil little turds.

The only redeeming thing about this film is the creature. It is made with practical effects and looks pretty good. Everything else, from acting to directing and writing to character development, is atrocious. I wanted to turn this cinematic dung off but something inside of me kept saying that it would get better. It doesn’t.

Don’t watch this movie.

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Mattel The Hammond Collection: Dr. Ian Malcolm (2022)

“Must go faster….”

It’s been awhile since I posted an action figure review, so please forgive me if this particular one is a few years old. As my longtime readers know, I was very fond of Mattel’s Amber Collection featuring six inch versions of some of the best characters from the Jurassic Park and Jurassic World films. When that line was phased out, it was replaced by a 3.75″ series of figures dubbed The Hammond Collection. The figures looked a lot like their six inch counterparts, some even having the same types of accessories, but details suffered quite a bit in these scaled-down figures. That said, the 2022 release of Dr. Ian Malcolm is a pretty nice figure.

I actually found this figure early last year at one of my local Ollie’s Bargain Outlet. The box was a tad damaged, but that’s not a big deal for a guy like me when it comes to a bargain. I scooped up the figure, happy to finally have the smaller scale version of Dr. Malcolm. The figure has a reasonable likeness to Jeff Goldblum, but the glasses, which aren’t removable, don’t look that great. The clothing on the figure, which includes a removable jacket, looks amazing. The details on the boots are really impressive.

The figure features sixteen points of articulation, allowing for some pretty cool poses. It comes with three accessories, two arms with rolled up shirt sleeves and the iconic flare that Dr. Malcolm uses to erroneously distract the T-Rex. It should be noted that Dr. Malcolm can only hold the flare in his jacketed hands.

The figure is a nice addition to my Jurassic Park collection. I’m only lacking the original 3.75″ Hammond Collection Dr. Alan Grant as far as figures that I want is concerned. I have the six inch version of that figure, but would love to complete my collection of the 3.75″ figures. I’ve included a few more shots of the Dr. Ian Malcolm figure below. Give them a look and decide for yourself whether or not you want to pick up this figure. He’s available for some fairly reasonable prices all over the web.

Thanks for checking out my review!

Classic Cinema: I Married A Witch (1942)

“Goodbye, Jennifer, be a bad girl.”

Wallace Wooley, running for governor and about to get married to his biggest campaign donor’s daughter, finds himself at the mercy of a pair of witches that have recently been freed from their earthly prison and are intent on making his life miserable in 1942’s hilarious I Married A Witch. The film stars Fredric March as Wallace Wooley, Veronica Lake as Jennifer, Cecil Kellaway as Daniel, Susan Hayward as Estelle Masterson, and Robert Warwick as J.B. Masterson. The movie is based upon an incomplete novel by Thorne Smith and was very popular at the time of its release. It is part of a number of “Best Of” lists including the American Film Institute’s 2000 list of 500 movies nominated for Top 100 Funniest American Movies and the Criterion Collection. The film was also partly an inspiration for the classic TV series Bewitched.

The movie opens in colonial Salem, where Wallace Wooley’s ancestor, Jonathan (also played by March) condemns Daniel and Jennifer to be burned at the stake for witchcraft. Before they are burned, Jennifer curses all Wooley men, stating that they will all make bad choices in romance and marry the wrong woman. Her and her father’s ashes are buried beneath a tree that will imprison them for eternity. We then see more of Wooley’s ancestors (all played by March), marry one wrong woman after another, ultimately ending up in the 1940s where Wallace is about to marry Estelle Masterson, the daughter of J.B. Masterson, in a political power move by Masterson. Wallace doesn’t really love Estelle and she doesn’t care for him, either. Daniel and Jennifer are freed from their arboreal prison when lightning strikes the tree, and they immediately set out for revenge against any Wooley descendants that they can find. Jennifer decides to seduce Wallace, but, being a man of honor, even though he and Estelle do not love each other, he resists every attempt she makes. She ultimately resorts to using a love potion to win him over, but drinks the potion herself whenever Wallace tries to revive her when she is knocked out by a falling painting of Wallace’s ancestor. She falls hard for Wallace and he ultimately falls for her. When she realizes that her love for him is real, her father becomes angry and resorts to extreme measures, including faking his own murder, to try and destroy Wallace and his career. The result is a lighthearted romantic comedy that mixes witchcraft with whimsy.

This isn’t the type of film that I normally review, but I really did enjoy I Married A Witch. All of the cast did a great job and the special effects were perfect for the time period. This is a funny movie with some surprisingly adult moments that young audiences won’t pick up on, and plenty of humor for the entire family. Give it a shot. Oh, and for some real fun, check out the film’s IMDb trivia section for some crazy antics that took place behind the scenes.

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Classic Cinema: One Week (1920)

“Good luck. You’ll Need It!”

Newlyweds (Buster Keaton and Sybil Seely) are gifted Lot 99, a Build-It-Yourself house, and a lot of chaos in 1920’s hilarious One Week. The silent short was Buster Keaton’s first independently released film and has a number of notable stunts and one rather racy scene that made censors of the day very nervous. The short also starred Joe Roberts in a small role as a piano delivery man and an unknown actor who portrays Seely’s rejected love interest who swaps the numbers on the house building kit, causing the chaotic moments in the film.

In the film, Keaton attempts to build his home following a series of numbered boxes. The jilted lover of Seely paints over the numbers of some of the boxes and Keaton builds the house out of order. This causes the house to be constructed in a haphazard fashion, with doors on the second floor that open to the outside, a leaky roof, and a slanted awning over the front porch. While hosting a house warming, a storm strikes and literally spins the house, tossing Keaton, Seely, and all of their guests out of the home. The couple then learn that they have constructed their home on Lot 66, not Lot 99, and have to move their home across the railroad tracks. This leads to an altercation with a train and a hilarious attempt at towing the house down the street.

The film is notable due to the fact that it features Buster Keaton’s first filmed “wall falling” stunt where one side of the home falls on top of him, only to have him standing in a doorway and the wall falling safely around him. The first known use of this stunt was in 1919’s Back Stage, where a wall falls down on Fatty Arbuckle in a similar fashion. Keaton was in that film as well. Keaton would use the gag two more times, in 1922’s The Blacksmith and most notably in 1928’s Steamboat Bill, Jr. The film is also the first movie to shoot a scene utilizing a camera revolving 360 degrees per IMDb. All of the stunts in the film used full sized props, including the house.

Aside from the falling wall, spinning house, and numerous other gags in the film, the movie garnered a lot of attention for a somewhat racy scene in which Seely is taking a bath and drops the soap. Although she was covered in the scene (you can actually see the fabric protecting her “lady parts”), the fact that she is supposed to be nude in the tub caught the attention of the censors. Keaton made the “risque” scene intentionally funny, with Seely giving a knowing look to the audience, breaking the fourth wall, and then having a hand appear over the camera lens while Seely retrieves the soap. While it seems tame, and even a bit cute, today, it was very risque for its time.

Of all of Keaton’s legendary films, One Week is one of the best. It’s an early example of a true comedic master’s work and showcases the stunt work of not only Keaton, but of Seely as well. I highly recommend this short and hope that you give it a look.

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