Focus On Christmas: Don’t Open Till Christmas (1984)

“Only three more killing days to Christmas.”

Scotland Yard goes on a wild manhunt to find a mysterious killer that is murdering any and everyone dressed as Santa Claus on the streets of London in 1984’s Don’t Open Till Christmas. The British slasher film didn’t make much of an impact on the big screen, but it has found new life over the years on home media and streaming services. It’s a fairly generic slasher film that features a number of tragic ends for many of its cast members in real life.

The film stars Alan Lake, Belinda Mayne, Gerry Sundquist, Mark Jones, and Kelly Baker. It also features a cameo appearance from Hammer Horror legend, Caroline Munro, portraying herself. Some of the supporting players in the film include Pat Astley, Laurence Harrington, and Derek Ford. Also starring in and directing the film is Edmund Purdom.

In the film, Chief Inspector Harris (Purdom) leads up the hunt for the Santa slayer. His prime suspect is Cliff Boyd (Sundquist), who happens to be the boyfriend of Kate Briosky (Mayne), whose wealthy father was murdered at a Christmas party in front of her. Harris believes that Boyd, or possibly Kate, murdered Kate’s father in order to gain his inheritance. As more bodies pile up, however, Harris shifts his investigation to other suspects. A young stripper (Baker) witnesses the murder of a Santa while performing in a peep show house and she manages to get a decent look at his eyes behind his mask. She goes to Harris and a manhunt ensues. Will Christmas come early for Scotland Yard or will there be more Kris Kringle killings???? Find out by watching Don’t Open Till Christmas.

As I stated before, this is a pretty generic slasher flick. The killer does have a motive, revealed near the end of the film, and there is a little twist that’s pretty obvious early on that comes to light at the film’s conclusion. That said, there were quite a few decent performances in this film. Kelly Baker is brilliant as Sherry, the young stripper that witnesses a murder in the film. Sadly, her career appears to have been limited to only three films. I don’t know what has happened to her since making those movies. Mayne and Sundquist also give great performances. Mayne is perhaps best known by American audiences for her appearance in the Doctor Who serial, Delta And The Bannermen. She also appeared in Krull and had a bit part in Wonder Woman 1984. Sundquist appeared in numerous film and television roles during his career, most notably an appearance in Space 1999. Tragically, Sundquist took his own life in 1993 whenever he jumped in front of a train at the Norbiton Railway Station. Another terrible tragedy was the suicide of Alan Lake. Lake shot himself just a few months after the death of his wife, Diana Dors, to cancer. The film was released after his suicide.

It should also be mentioned that Derek Ford, who portrays one of the Santa Claus victims in the film, was a prominent adult film writer and director in the 1970s. Also, Pat Astley featured in a number of adult films, some which were hardcore, before landing a brief role on the highly successful comedy, Are You Being Served?. She was eventually released from that series due to her work in adult films but managed to continue working in mainstream movies in small roles (which almost always involved nudity) until her final appearance on film in Don’t Open Till Christmas.

Generic as it may be, check out Don’t Open Till Christmas. Terrible tragedies, the adult film industry, and even ol’ Doctor Who all have ties to this twisted little film. Thanks for checking out my post. See you again real soon.

Thirty-One Days O’Horror: Let’s Ride!

Next Year Is Gonna Be A Gas!!!!

I hope that you all enjoyed this year’s Thirty-One Days O’Horror celebrating all things vampire. Next year, I’ll be hitchhiking my way across the world in search of horror films feature legendary automobiles! From the Creeper’s truck to the terrifyingly beautiful Christine, I’m going to watch thirty-one horror films featuring iconic vehicles and hopefully introduce you to a few films that you haven’t seen.

This will definitely be a challenge for me, as I’m not familiar with a lot of horror films that feature iconic vehicles. Sure, I know about The Wraith and The Car, but outside of those films and a few others, this will be new territory for me. If you have any automobile horror films that you’d like me to watch and review, let me know in the comments section!

I can’t wait to start watching films for next year’s Thirty-One Days O’Horror. I hope that you enjoy going on this journey with me. Make sure to change your oil and replace your shocks, next Halloween is gonna be a bumpy ride!

Halloween Bites! Dracula (1931)

“There are far worse things awaiting man than death.”

Happy Halloween! It’s the final day of October and the final day of this year’s Thirty-One Days O’Horror! With that in mind, I decided to make the final post of October about the legendary Dracula (1931). There’s really not a lot that I can say about this film that hasn’t been said already, but I’ll do my best.

The film is considered by many to be the one that sparked the horror genre on the big screen. Sure, films like Nosferatu (1922) and The Phantom Of The Opera (1925) have their place in cinematic horror history, but Dracula pulled in big numbers of viewers and triggered what would eventually become the Universal Monsters Universe. It features one of the most iconic performances of all time: Bela Lugosi as Count Dracula. Plenty of other actors have portrayed the character over the years from Christopher Lee to Gary Oldman to Jack Palance, but when someone mentions the name “Dracula,” most people envision Lugosi in black with his sinister gaze.

The film also features amazing performances from other actors including David Manners, Edward Van Sloan, Helen Chandler, and Frances Dade. Perhaps most notable outside of Lugosi is the performance of Dwight Frye as Renfield. Frye’s fall into madness is one of the best performances in the film. Tod Browning’s direction is excellent as well.

Watch this film for its historical significance, but watch it for the brilliant film that it is as well. I also highly recommend the Spanish version of the film starring Carlos Villarias, Lupita Tovar, Barry Norton, and Pablo Alvarez Rubio. It used the same sets as the Lugosi film, but was directed by George Melford. The film, despite having the same plot, is unique and worth your attention.

I hope that you enjoyed this year’s Thirty-One Days O’Horror theme. I’ll be announcing next year’s theme in the very near future. Thank you so much for joining me this year and I hope that you have a wonderful Halloween!

Halloween Bites! Netherbeast Incorporated

“He’s a vampire and I’m not.”

Corporate America is full of bloodsucking, vile people willing to step on anybody that stands in their way on the road to success. Berm-Tech is full of bloodsuckers as well, but they are all pretty nice folks that get along quite well with one another……and they’re all vampires. in 2007’s Netherbeast Incorporated, the vampire employees of Berm-Tech find themselves in quite the pickle whenever employees at every level begin to vanish, the Netherstone is stolen (more on that later), and the CEO, who happens to be losing his mind, hires a human employee and an efficiency expert that employees see as a threat to their livelihood. Otto (Steve Burns) starts to have feelings for the human hire named Pearl (Amy Davidson) and together they team up with other employees to find out what’s happening to the missing employees. What happens? Watch Netherbeast Incorporated to find out what’s really going down at Berm-Tech!

The film is a lighthearted horror comedy that focuses on the oddities and quirks of office workers with a vampire twist. It also expands and changes a few things about vampire lore. The whodunit aspect of the film is pretty easy to solve, but the real fun in this film is the working hacks in the office. Otto is intelligent and nice. He’s also a bit awkward around Pearl. His best friend, “Waxy” Dan Paraffin (Jay Mewes from the Jay and Silent Bob Askewniverse), attempts to help him let Pearl down easy. Darrell Hammond plays CEO Turner Claymore, who makes a lot of really bad decisions (like most CEOs at some point), but he also has a lot of heart and cares for his employees (unlike many real world CEOs). Other working stiffs include Bob Rue as Bunyan Pritchett, Dave Foley as Henry Welby, and Robyn Allen as Rebecca Sibley. Judd Nelson portrays the overly positive efficiency expert, Steven P.D. Landry.

When you really boil down to it, the vampires in Netherbeast Incorporated are actually much better humans than real world humans working in an office. They try their best to get along with one another and protect each other as well. Sure, they have their quibbles, but they are ultimately a very close-knit family. Employees and corporate dogs of today would do well to try to imitate the best qualities of the Berm-Tech employees, and that’s sort of a shame. Oh, and as far as the Netherstone is considered, when the vampires get too far away from it, they can die. That’s why it’s important when the stone goes missing in the film!

I enjoyed this film a lot. It’s funny, features a great cast (including some sweet cameos), and forces us as humans to look at what we should strive to be: better humans. Check out this flick. I think that you’ll enjoy it.

Halloween Bites! Bad Blood (2021)

“I’m hungry.”

When police discover a young boy on the streets of Manchester feeding on a dog, they bring him to social services where he is put under the care of Marjorie (Laura Montgomery Bennett). Marjorie recently lost her last charge to suicide, and she’s willing to do anything keep this new boy, Nathan (Lennon Leckey), alive. As pressure mounts from boss and a co-worker and she struggles to make a connection with Nathan, she realizes what she must do: feed Nathan, who happens to be a vampire. What lengths will she go to to ensure that Nathan is fed well? Watch Bad Blood to find out just how far she’ll go!

Bad Blood, also known as Boy #5, is a 2021 independent film written and directed by Eric Steele. It stars Bennett, Leckey, Brian Dunne, Tosca Bell, Michael Kehoe, and Natasha Lucia Rea. Steele does a fine job of working within the limits of his budget, getting solid performances from all of his cast members, especially Bennett and Rea. The horror elements don’t really kick in until the film’s final act, when a certain character spirals into madness. That spiral, by the way, is handled extremely well by the actor whose character goes down into it.

The film is a slow burner, so don’t go into it expecting fast-paced action. There are a number of sequences that involve a lot of talking and silence. Leckey does a lot of brooding and sulking in the film. That said, it’s still a very enjoyable film and I believe that you should check it out for yourself.

Halloween Bites! Twins Of Evil

“The devil has sent me twins of evil!”

The legendary Peter Cushing heads up the Puritanical Brotherhood as they hunt down and burn “witches” at the stake in 1971’s Twins Of Evil. But what does he do when his twin nieces come to live with him after their parents pass away and one of them decides to give herself over to the wicked Count Karnstein, rumored to be a devil worshiper? You’ll have to watch Twins Of Evil to find out what happens!

Cushing portrays Gustav Weil in the film. His nieces, Freida and Maria (twins Madeleine and Mary Collinson, respectively) come to live with him and his wife, Katy (Kathleen Byron). Freida finds Gustav’s Brotherhood to be oppressive and evil. She has a rebellious spirit and does everything she can to anger her uncle. Maria, while not liking the Brotherhood or the domineering ways of her uncle, is more complacent and a generally quite young woman. Both women attract the attention of the local men, and Count Karnstein (Damien Thomas) decides that he must have them, partly because he’s always looking for a new woman to fool around with and also because he often locks horns with Weil. Freida, drawn to the count’s bad boy image, seeks out his companionship. What she discovers is that the count is actually a vampire and she decides to join him in his reign of terror and debauchery. Weil, assisted by the Brotherhood and a local school teacher, Anton (David Warbeck), who has fallen for Freida, heads out to destroy the count. I’ll stop right there as I believe that you should see this film.

This is a very well done Hammer production. The sets are beautiful and atmospheric and the music is excellent. Sure, the historical accuracy of the film is all over the place, but that’s easy enough to look beyond thanks to some wonderful acting by Cushing, the Collinson sisters, Warbeck, and Thomas. The twins are very beautiful, as are the rest of the women in this film, and director John Hough uses this to the film’s advantage, highlighting the beauty of the women in wispy clothing and hinting briefly at lesbianism (which is a running theme in all three of the Hammer Karnstein Trilogy films). The story is also enjoyable, as it gives us a hero in Cushing’s Weil, but he’s far from perfect.

It would have been very easy for Hough to focus on the female cast to pull in the 18-34 demographic, but instead, he chose to build a great story, develop the characters in a way that we can appreciate and understand them, and then present it all in a really good film. This is one of the better Hammer films that I’ve watched, and I highly recommend it.

Halloween Bites! Condemned To Live

“You swooned, Master!”

Condemned To Live is a 1935 thriller that puts a new twist on the vampire myth. The supernatural elements of vampirism are stripped away and it is treated instead as if it were an illness passed through generations after someone is bitten by a vampire bat. One side effect of the illness is that those who suffer from it lack any memories of what they do while under the influence of vampirism. A small village is being terrorized by something or someone who may be suffering from this form of vampirism, but who is the culprit?

The film stars Ralph Morgan as Professor Kristan, a kind doctor who is well-loved in the small village in which he lives. His greatest ally is Zan (Mischa Auer), who protects his master at all costs and is accused of being the vampire terrorizing the village. Maxine Doyle stars as Marguerite, Professor Kristan’s fiance and the lifelong friend of David (Russell Gleason), who believes that the vampire that is attacking the villagers is nothing more than a normal human being. Pedro de Cordoba appears in the film as Dr. Bizet, who knows the real story behind the vampire murders and tries to save the one causing the murders.

The film is pretty good. The mysterious identity of the killer is quite obvious, and the plot is somewhat predictable. That said, this isn’t a bad film. It is definitely a lesser film when compared to other vampire films of the 1930s, but it is worth a look. It’s available on a number of free streaming services and on home video.

Halloween Bites! Eat Locals

“I’m no racist. I’ll kill anyone.”

Vampire lords gather in a small country farmhouse to discuss their quotas and who is and isn’t keeping within the limits. There can only be eight lords at a time, and one of them will soon be exiting the ranks, so a potential new member is brought to the meeting as a replacement. The meeting doesn’t go very well whenever one of the lords votes against bringing in the new member. Things get even worse whenever a squadron shows up to kill all of the vampires and capture one alive…..for purposes that I won’t reveal. The vampires go on the attack and attempt to survive the night. Who lives? Who dies? Why do the soldiers want to capture one of the vampires? Watch 2017’s Eat Locals and see what happens next!

The film is loaded with British actors known for their work on the big and small screens. The cast includes Charlie Cox, Freema Agyeman, Eve Myles, Tony Curran, Mackenzie Crook, Ruth Jones, and many, many more popular actors. There’s a decent amount of horror in the movie and the action is fast-paced. There’s also quite a bit of humor in this movie as well. Charlie Cox is the big standout for me in this movie and Eve Myles is as lovely as ever. All of the cast do fine jobs.

The film is directed by Jason Flemyng in his directorial debut. The movie has an unbelievably low rating on a number of review sites and, to be quite honest, I have no idea as to why this is. The film is no masterpiece but it is definitely fun to watch. If you want your vampires with a bit of humor swirled about with gore and violence, Eat Locals is for you.

Halloween Bites! Vampire Cleanup Department

“VCDs, DVDs, Nor Blu-rays!”

Young Tim, who doesn’t even believe in the existence of vampires, quickly finds himself as part of the Vampire Cleanup Department (2017), a secret group of vampire hunters that patrol Hong Kong, eliminating any vampire threats that should arise. Tim’s parents once headed up the department and both died due to becoming infected by vampires just prior to his birth. As a result, Tim is neither human nor vampire and he is immune to the vampire’s bite. The VCD needs new members, and Tim’s “Uncle” Chung believes that it is time to recruit Tim. Another member of the squad, Yip Chau, doesn’t think that Tim is ready or even capable of becoming a member of the team, but he has other reasons to resist Tim’s joining the group.

During Tim’s first mission with the group, the team encounters an ancient and powerful vampire landlord and his servant girl, who was forcibly buried with him. While the manages to escape, Tim and the rest of the VCD capture the servant girl and vring her back to the VCD headquarters for disposal. Another attack happens, and the group leaves Tim behind to burn the body of the girl. While the group is gone, however, Tim learns that he can communicate with the girl. He hides her in his home and begins to train her to become more human. As he studies her, he begins to fall in love with her. Unfortunately for Tim and the VCD, the landlord wants his servant back, and he’ll destroy all of Hong Kong if he must in order to get her back. Can the VCD stop the landlord? Will Tim prove his worth with the rest of the team? Watch the surprisingly enjoyable Vampire Cleanup Department to see what happens!

This film is a nice blend of horror, action, and comedy. It is its own beast, but it is also a nod to 1985’s Mr. Vampire. The vampires in the film stick their arms straight out in front of them and hop around like rabbits. The landlord vampire only briefly hops and is much more sinister than the other vampires in the film. The acting is superb. I really liked Babyjohn Choi as Tim. He was funny when the scene called for it and dramatic when necessary. I also enjoyed the performances of Chin Siu-ho as Yip, Richard Ng as Uncle Chung, and Lin Men Chen as Summer. The rest of the cast was also superb.

Vampire Cleanup Department is a fun film that’s full of action and some decent horror. It’s not your typical vampire hunter flick, but it is definitely worth checking out if you haven’t seen it yet.

Halloween Bites! Love Bites

“Good night, good morning…….whatever.”

As I’ve been stumbling down a vampire rabbit hole looking for films to highlight in this year’s Thirty-One Days O’Horror, I’ve found quite a few gems. I’ve also found a few stinkers that won’t see the light of day. Then there are a few films that are just too unique to pass up even though they may not be an exceptional film. Love Bites (1993) is one of those films. It stars rocker Adam Ant as the really friendly and likeable Zachary Simms, a vampire who just woke up from a long one hundred year nap in the home of Kendall Gordon (Kimberly Foster), who didn’t know that her home had a secret crypt. Kendall is in a complicated relationship and has just agreed to marry her boyfriend, Dwight Putnam (Roger Rose). When Zachary appears in her life, however, she starts to fall for him.

When Dwight finds out that Kendall is seeing another man, he hires Vinnie Helsting (Philip Bruns) to get dirt on him. Zachary, meanwhile, has decided to become human again, which is apparently a thing that vampires can do, and he and Kendall do all sorts of things together to bring him back to the land of the living. He even gets a job at Dwight’s firm and proves to be simply amazing at his work. Sadly, the more human Zachary becomes, the less likeable he gets. To make things go even more sideways, Zachary’s old love, Nerissa (Michelle Forbes) shows up and decides to “revamp” Zachary. Watch Love Bites to find out what happens next!

This isn’t a great film. It’s only mildly entertaining to be honest. I had a few laughs here and there and kept thinking to myself: This is a Hallmark movie with a vampire tossed in it. But why watch the film? Because Michelle Forbes does a great job as Nerissa and Adam Ant is just too brilliant to ignore as Zachary Simms. He’s so sugary sweet and playing against type that I just had to finish watching the film. I recommend watching this film strictly because it is just so freaking bizarre. Give it a chance. It might surprise you.